Back to Work Blues

22 January 2018


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The last time I worked was before I knew I was pregnant with Little A all the way back in 2016. I had applied here and there during the pregnancy but wasn’t getting anywhere so I took that as a sign to just put up my feet and truthfully speaking it just didn’t begin to sit right with me to start a new role, having to then leave.

Now 1.5 years later, I am back at work! I am ever so excited to get out there and do my best but my heart felt a ping when I left the door for the first time for work last week and not because of the dramatic fashion that it all occurred in, I will go into detail later, but because I was leaving my 11 month old baby girl behind.

Although, I was only going to be away for just half of the day and have been away for that amount of time from her before, this just felt completely different. Perhaps because I knew this was going to be a regular occurrence from now on, whatever the reason, I did end up questioning myself on the journey there as to whether or not I was doing the right thing - a dilemma, I guess all parents go through when hitting this milestone.

I reminded myself that I am doing this for her and to work towards a better future for her and this is the one thing that is keeping me motivated.

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The day began at 4:30am and I aimed to leave home by 6am. Little A normally is up for the day at 6am but today she was up half an hour early, she knew I was going out as she has cleverly made the association of wearing a coat and going out. I remember walking into our room to say goodbye, gave her a kiss and a cuddle and left as she held onto the cot bars and watched me like a prisoner.

I missed a few steps and fell down the stairs causing me to think ‘is this a sign?’ Of course not! After a dizzy spell, I got back up on my feet, after considering calling work and saying I can’t make it today as was in pain but I work as a Supply and knew if I didn’t go, it would cause a huge chain of problems, it was also my first assignment so I didn’t want to make a bad first impression!

So off I went limping into the freezing cold, I can’t remember when was the last time I had leave home this early and forgot how cold it can be so early on! I managed to get to the school on time after ending up on the wrong bus (seriously a great start for me, right?). The next couple of hours was spent standing and walking around keeping the students in check.

I will be honest, I just love the feeling of having authority!

The journey home was exciting, the feeling of walking in through the door and seeing Little A, I just could not wait. Her face instantly lit up when she saw me but still stared at me quizzingly, as if trying to ask me where had I been, why didn’t I make her breakfast today, why didn’t I feed her today - so many questions she probably wanted to ask but couldn’t.

Unfortunately, for the both of us, I had to leave again for the hospital as my foot was in a really bad condition, I am a bit better now as I write this, I am able to walk without my crutches thankfully. But this is an experience I don’t think I will ever forget! Lots of hurdles came in the way, trying to stop me in my tracks but I didn’t give in.

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I think every time I will leave home for work, my heart is going to feel that same ping as I am leaving a part of me, Little A, behind. This is something that will require a lot of time to get used too but I know I’ll get there eventually, at least I will be able to look forward to the end of the day where I’ll be able to go home to her.

*~*~*

Are you a working parent, have any tips? How did you feel?
Or are you someone whose gone back to work after a long time, your thoughts and  tips will be useful too!
Thank you for stopping by and please leave your thoughts below.


Rhyming with Wine
Letters to my Daughter

16 comments

  1. Thanks for joining in. Wow what a day. I'm sorry it was an awful start.I am actually looking to go back to work now. My daughter is three soon and starting nursery soon. We Have just moved to this area before Xmas so it's all a bit new to me. I have decided to go back part time as my counsellor said don't rush into things,when you do go back. That was 6 months ago. I think I need it to socialise and just do something for me really. Other than be mum and wife. Even though that's great. Before I had my daughter I worked full time. I think I will feel like I've lost my right arm when she goes to nursery. I won't know what to do with myself. #Mblogshares x x hope all continues to go well for you.

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    1. I know the feeling of having a ‘lost arm’.
      I miss her so much when I am at work! Part time in the beginning is a great idea at least it’ll help you to get back into things rather than rushing it. Thanks for stopping by x

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  2. Gosh, that's a bit of a rough start. Hope you'll get well quickly! I'm back to full-time parenting after years of full-time work. It's a tricky balance... this life x
    #DreamTeam

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    1. Definitely a tricky balance, can’t win either way in my opinion! Yes I’m feeling better :) thanks for stopping by x

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  3. If it's any comfort it does get easier. I went back to work after 9 months and found it very hard at first, but quickly adjusted. I really needed some time on my own to have a hot drink and use my brain a little bit. I still have pangs though, particularly when Small Boy has a tough time at nursery, which he has been having for the past few months - 90% of the time he is happy there, but there are some elements he struggles with and that 10% is eating me alive every time I drop him off at the moment. Thankfully his Dad does the drop off now and that helps. I try to pick him up earlier and make the most of the time we have together. #StayClassyMama

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    1. Thank you so much for the reassurance! I agree on the me time. I just sat in the staff room looking at Little A’s pictures and videos! I think the pangs will always be there. Thanks for stopping by x

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  4. There are so many pros and cons to both staying home and getting out to work. There is no right or perfect way.
    Hope you have a fabulous time back in the work place and hope you enjoy those snuggles at the end of the day. #blogcrush

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    1. I completely agree. I now appreciate the time we have together even more. Thanks for stopping by x

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  5. I am a working mom (and it's what I blog about most) and that guilt of leaving them never quite goes away. My girls are 9 and 6 and they totally get it. Even when they were little they seemed to understand - and we had a great daycare to look after them every day. I think it's important that children see their parents doing what they enjoy - and that they understand that life takes hard work.
    I hope your days get better - and I wish you the best of luck!
    ~Jess
    www.jessicafoley.ca
    #StayClassyMama

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    1. Thank you! I will be checking your blog out to see how you get on and for tips! Thanks for stopping by x

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  6. Thanks for joining us for the #DreamTeam this week. Ekk! Your foot. Fancy having a fall right before your first day at work. You must have been running on adrenaline to be able to have kept going?! I'm a full time working parent and know that pang that you speak of well. It changes though as they get older and off to nursery and school. Enjoy work and hope it all goes well for you. x

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    1. I still don’t understand how I managed that! I think you’re right when she will be at nursery or school then I’ll probably feel differently. Thanks for stopping by x

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  7. Oh you poor thing - what a horrible thing to hurt your foot on your very first day back. I'm glad that you are on the mend now. It must feel so strange having to leave her behind, but it sounds like you made the right decision because she seems to have adapted well and you are already writing about enjoying being back in your work environment. I hope it just gets better and better for you both (P.S. just a friendly reminder to add the linky badge to each post you link up with us. Thank you) #blogcrush

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    1. Thanks Lucy! Yeah it feels very, very strange but have to get used to it! She gets on really with her Nanna so I’m reassured she’s happy during the day but obviously can’t stop myself from missing her. Thanks for stopping by x

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  8. That was quite the start! Glad you are better now. I went back to work full time after having my first child and I remember that feeling of slight guilt as I dropped him off really early every morning. Saying that I soon got into the swing of things and I rather enjoyed being back at work. For one thing it gave me a break and it meant that when I could spend time with him it was really special and not just a getting through the day job. After my second child I stayed home and now I work from home but that is completely different because it allows me to always be there for them when they need me. Thank you so much for sharing with #StayClassymama

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    1. Yeah I now appreciate the time with her more now, even the night time cuddles! Thanks for stopping by x

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